The Girl with the Golden Pin
by e.b. Sabatini
Summary: One moment can change the course of events that are already in motion. I live my life according to my father and the rules he sets. He tells me to trust him. But should my trust cost another's life? I hand over a possession that means everything to our world but has no sentiment to me. And I know it confused my only friend, Katniss Everdeen. I am The Girl with the Golden Pin.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Anything you recgonize (i.e. direct quotes) are not mine. They belong to Suzanne Collins and are from The Hunger Games. I hope you enjoy. Please read and review.

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Part I: The Volunteer

1

I wake to the sounds of my mother screaming. That's not what's different about today. No, I'm use to that. Screaming in my house is about the same as silence. What's different is the cold sweat across my neck and shoulders. Like _I_ had a fitful sleep and not my mother. My heart still races so I take a few deep breaths to calm myself.

The floorboards creek down the hall letting me know that my father has gone to check on mother. He does it every morning without fail. I've never known him not to even if she doesn't know he does it. Mother doesn't recognize me half the time nonetheless her diligent husband.

It's no use for me to go back to sleep. At least not today. Today I have to be ready for everything. I tiptoe into the bathroom and take a cold shower to wake myself up. I could take a hot one since today is the Reaping. District Twelve is generally without electricity except for special occasions like the Hunger Games. But I don't want to be reminded of their generosity. I live with that everyday.

Instead of getting breakfast, I get dressed. I wouldn't be able to hold anything down anyway. At least not right now. I pull out the nice white dress that belonged to my mother once upon a time. It was her wedding dress. Her parents were rich enough not to have to borrow the one from the Justice Building when she married. It's mine now. Not that I'll ever marry in it.

If it were up to me, I would wear pants and a shirt. But I can't. Last week Dad came into my room with this dress and said I was to wear it today. So, I nodded and fixed the sleeves and the length so it wouldn't look like a wedding dress. It's supposed to make a statement. Not that it is the original one. Dad doesn't know I changed the dress. Not that he can do anything about it. I am still wearing a dress for this wonderful occasion.

I sit in front of my vanity mirror and fix my hair. My blonde curls actually hold and I grab a pale pink ribbon to add. I almost laugh. Pink. Pale pink at that is the only thing-anytime-that makes me believe that I'm a girl. Normally I just feel like a robot and am told what to do and what to say. My opinions are too loud to be expressed. I almost got Dad into trouble when I was nine. I learned my lesson. Silence is the best option for me.

I pull open a drawer and take out the little teak box. This is it. I sigh as I open the lid. Nestled in black velvet is something that could start a war. The gold pin glints in the sunlight. I've never worn the Mockingjay pin. It was my Aunt Maysilee's pin and her mother's before her. She died wearing this pin.

Despite how light the circular pin is, it weighs heavy over my breast. The implications of it are enormous. And today my life will change. Forever.

I decide to go flex my fingers over the piano. So, I make my way to the music room and start with scales. My mother taught me the piano. That's when she still left the house. She told me music was one of the only beautiful things in this world. And today, I have to agree with her. I play songs that everyone knows. I pound the black and whites with rhythms that only I know. I want to play the forbiddens songs. The ones I've only ever read about. The sheet music to those are hidden within the room only Dad and I venture to. Even the Mayor of District Twelve is a rebel at times.

At last, I play my mother's favorite. It's a lullaby with no name. There must have been a name for it at one point but was lost. There was no music for this one song. I learned it from watching my mother's fingers press the keys. She played it only once in front of me. And now, I play from memory with my eyes closed. It soothes me and probably calms my mother too if she's still awake.

"I'm always surprised you remember that," Dad says as I finish.

I open my eyes and see him leaning in the doorway. He's dressed in a suit. The one he reserves for when Capitol officials come to meet him. His tie is crooked. I bet he did that on purpose. Today I see the gray more prominent in his hair and the wrinkles on his eyes. His eyes are a bright blue but there's no spark in them. I study him some more for memory's sake.

"Me too," I say because mother played it for me the year before my first reaping five years ago. I shut the lid over the keys and face Dad hoping he'll give me some last minute advice. Hoping he'll tell me we have to wait. But he doesn't.

"I'm going to the Justice Building in a few minutes to meet Miss Trinket," he tells me as he rolls his eyes. "There's money on the kitchen table for the strawberries." My eyes light up and meet his.

"They haven't come yet?"

"No Duchess. They haven't." And I can't help but think this might be the last time he'll call me that.

I stand up and go to him. I squeeze his middle so hard I think think I'm squeezing the breath from my own body.

"You'll be fine," he says. "Trust me." I nod. That's the thing though. I do trust him. Maybe too much.

I kiss his cheek then say, "I'm going to say good-bye to Mom." His shoulders relax. Funny, I didn't know he was tense until then. I head into my mother's room and hear the front door shut. I'm alone.

My mother's frail body scares me. There is no life in her blonde hair or in her mind. And in this moment, I pity myself. No one knows about her. Not really. When someone asks, Dad or myself tells the person she suffers from severe headaches. The truth is, Mom is depressed. She wasn't always like this. She was happy when I was young. Then the day that she played the lullaby for me, she collapsed in sobs and became as distant as the sun is to earth. No prodding from myself can reach her. She only has contact with Dad. I don't know what he tells her, but it always calms her down.

I wish I loved someone like my Dad loves her.

I brush her hair from her face and count the amount of empty morphling bottles in the trash. Three. It's always three. Sometimes I think she'll overdose on the stuff but she never does. The television clicks on. It's old fashioned. Dad figured one of the holograms would upset her.

At first, there's only static then a low hum. You have to sit right next to it to actually hear it. The sound bothers her ears but it has to be on. Otherwise she could be executed for not going to the Reaping today.

As I bend over to kiss my mother's cheek, there's a knock on the door. I take in a deep breath. You can do it. You're Madge Undersee. Daughter of the Mayor of District Twelve. The Seam boy can't hurt you.

But he can, I think.

"I love you," I say as I close her door and take the stairs two at a time. I rush into the kitchen and almost forget the money and double back to the table. I grab it up and open the door.

Katniss Everdeen, my only friend, stands next to Gale Hawthorne. They look surprised to see me. Normally Dad handles these transactions. And I let him, I don't want to see Gale Hawthorne anymore than he wants to see me. Him for different reasons I suppose. He's Katniss's friend more so than I am. I envy that. I also envy the flush in her cheeks and the dirt on his nose. They came from the woods recently. Somewhere most have never been considering it's against the law and all.

I wish I was brave enough to go there.

"Pretty dress," Gale tells me. He says it with no inflection that I can't tell if he's sarcastic or not. His gray eyes meet mine directly. I almost want to laugh. He's taller than me and I'm on the top step. I never noticed.

I bite my lip. This would be the first nice thing he's ever said to me. And I don't know if he's sincere. So I smile and say, "Well, if I end up going to the Capitol, I want to look nice, don't I?" They don't know how much truth there is in that statement. Katniss's eyes widen and Gale looks puzzled. He always tries to find the hidden meaning in my words. He never does.

"You won't be going to the Capitol," he says coldly. And I can tell his compliment was genuine. He wouldn't be barking at me if he wasn't. Gale's eyes leave mine and land on my chest. I know he's not looking at me_ at me_. He's noticed the golden mockingjay. He glares at it. "What can you have?" he continues. "Five entries? I had six when I was twelve years old." I know that. I also know that his name is in forty-two times today. And if he's not picked today, those same forty-two slips will leave the bowl and be replaced by his brothers Vick and Rory if he can't make enough in the mines.

"That's not her fault," Katniss is quick to defend me. I want to smile but I don't. We barely speak to each other and that _is_ my fault. All the things I want to talk to her about are forbidden.

"No, it's no one's fault," he says harshly. "Just the way it is." But it shouldn't be that way. I almost let them see that, but I school my face into a mask.

If we continue this way, I'll want to argue. So I hand Katniss the money and take the strawberries from her. They have to get home to the Seam to get dressed for the reaping.

"Good luck, Katniss," I tell her because that's what friends do. Gale gives me a glare that she doesn't see and I avoid his eyes.

"You, too," she replies. I close the door before I can tell her I won't need luck. After all, I am volunteering.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Author's Note_**: Again, anything directly quoted is not mine. Over 30 views in just one day. Wow, considering I didn't know if anyone would like it. Here's Chapter 2. I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think.

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2

I wash off all the berries and pat them dry. I place most of them in a bowl for Dad for later. He won't mind that I'm eating some. I mean it is my last meal. They're ripe and juicy and make me think of what a kiss, a romantic kiss, should be like. And I'll never know.

The second knock on the door has me on edge. When I open it, I find Darius, the red-haired Peacekeeper, waiting on the back stoop. His smile is wide and his eyes seem to sparkle.

"I'm supposed to inform Cray if your mother is coming today Miss Undersee."

My jaw clenches. Of course that's why he's here. Every year they come, and every year I somehow forget.

"Afraid not," I tell him. "She's upstairs if you want to check. Third door on the right."

He nods and I let him in.

I sit back down and continue eating the strawberries. He's back within moments, but he still scares me because I don't hear him come in.

"Won't those stain your teeth?" I jump. Startled and wide eyed.

"No," I say "But the dress can." He stands there looking at me and I offer him a glass of water which he takes. "You want some?" I end up asking him.

"I couldn't," says Darius.

I take another bite of the berries. "They're good," I say.

I see him visibly swallow. He wants one, but he knows he shouldn't. So, I push my last one towards him and raise my brow. He takes it and nearly engulfs the entire strawberry in one go.

"You're right," he says. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," I say as I lean back in my chair. I study him. He's so young. Almost too young to be a Peacekeeper. It makes me wonder what made him choose this profession. He can't be no more than twenty-three. But he looks no older than my sixteen years.

"Darius?" I say.

"Yeah?"

"I was wondering if you could do me a favor," I say as I bite my lip. His eyes focus there then back up to my eyes so quickly I almost miss it. I push out from my chair. No use in being a coward now. "Could you...I don't...never mind…"

"What?" he asks.

"Well," I gulp. "If it's no trouble...do you think you could kiss me?"

His eyes widen. "Miss Undersee…"

"Madge," I say unperturbed. "You see, I've seen you with other girls before, and I've...I've never…"

Darius doesn't say a word. I could kill myself right now. I mean I should have never-my eyes go wide as he pulls me to him.

"I just would like to know what it's like," I tell him.

"Pretty girl like you should have boys lined up to kiss you Madge," he says.

"People avoid me," I say. "If you went to my school, you'd know."

He brushes a stray strand of hair from my face and leans in. "Just a kiss Madge? Nothing more."

"Nothing more," I agree because who am I going to go kissing within the next few weeks that I'm in hell.

His lips brush mine before I can contemplate further. It's soft and undemanding like we're lovers taking our time forever and ever because that's all we have is time. And when he pulls away, I smile.

"Thank you," I say and he smirks. I lead him to the door and watch him go to the Justice Building.

I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready for any of this. But I have to do it. I have been prepped and trained for this before I can even remember. So, I walk out the back door not bothering to turn the locks. No one will go in. Not today at least.

It's a short walk to the Justice Building and I make my way inside. I have at least a half hour before I have to sign in letting the Panem officials know I haven't committed treason. No one gives me a second look as I walk through the halls. I come here often enough that I'm pretty much like the furniture.

I find a room and close the door. It's one of the rooms that will be used later for the tributes of our district. One boy and one girl. Twenty-four in all that will fight to the death. It's a bloody battle televised every year. This year will make it seventy-four. My heart starts to go into a panic as I watch children from the ages of twelve to eighteen enter the square. I hope I have the-

The door opens and I turn around to see our only surviving Victor of the Hunger Games, Haymitch Abernathy. His blonde hair looks like it needs a good brush and his clothes appear to be the first thing he found on the floor. He stumbles in but straightens up as he sees me.

"Must've slept longer than I thought," he says.

I shake my head. "No," I say. "But I should be going." I walk past him and he gives my hand a squeeze. That hand squeeze breaks me. He must see the fear on my face because Haymitch embraces me in a tight hold.

"Giv' em hell sweetheart," he whispers in my ear. I smile and nod. He just told me he's here for me. He's not drunk. He never calls me or anyone sweetheart when he's drunk. Haymitch Abernathy, the biggest fake, has eased my nerves.

I exit a side door and allow one of the officials to prick my finger and get their blood for sign in. I'm one of the last ones so I hurry to stand with the other sixteens towards the front. Katniss is closer to the middle than I am and I notice her looking back through the crowd. I don't need to turn around to know whom she's checking on. It's her sister Primrose's first year. If I had a sibling I'd worry too.

The murmurings of the crowd cease as Dad and Effie Trinket, District Twelve's escort, make it onto the makeshift stage in front of the Justice Building. Her hair is this awful pink and her suit is as bright as spring grass. But she is from the Capitol, and people from there always dress funny.

Dad looks at Effie with practiced concern. They both look at the third empty chair. I almost roll my eyes. Of course Haymitch will want to make some grand entrance.

My ears perk at the clock chiming two. I take a deep breath as Dad walks up to the podium. His eyes brush over me for a moment then he settles on someone or something else. I block out everything he says next. And I'm pretty sure he does too at one point. I mean he is telling the history of our country Panem. A country a lot smaller, at least in population, than the North America that Panem once was. Panem was supposed to be the result of natural disasters like hurricanes, earthquakes, fires, floods. Then there was war. Everything begins and ends in war I think.

Panem was the little country that rose from that destruction which included its thirteen districts. We lived in peace and contentment for a while until that is the Dark Days. The time where the districts started and failed in an uprising. And District Thirteen was destroyed for its leadership in it. And when the other districts needed to be reminded of our place, the Hunger Games formed.

But I can't help but wonder why we called it that. I mean, whose hunger are we referring to? The Capitol's or the starving Districts'?

"It is both a time for repentance and a time for thanks," my father says sounding nothing like himself. His eyes lock with mine again as he reads off Merrick Downton and Haymitch Abernathy, our victors. And it's like Haymitch timed his entrance perfectly. He stumbles on stage, my father wipes sweat from his brow, and Effie tries to beat off the hug Haymitch gives her as the rest of us laugh.

Dad is really into his role though. He introduces Effie Trinket like we don't already know that she's our district escort. She begins talking, "Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be _ever_ in your favor!" But I know there are no such things as odds or luck. She'll call a name and I'll volunteer like I'm supposed to.

I look over at Katniss and see her not gazing at the stage but at Gale. They have some sort of silent language going on. And suddenly his eyes flit to mine and he scowls. I've never been given such a dirty look from anyone. He turns around and it's like I can breathe again.

Effie pulls out a name from the girl's bowl. This is it. She'll read the name and I'll push my way through rescuing the poor unlucky soul. Dad will tear up and I'll be on my way to the Capitol. Simple.

Only, it's not. My limbs tense as Effie rips the coded closure on the slip bearing the girl's name. I breathe in then out.

In a crisp clear voice, Effie Trinket says, "Primrose Everdeen!"

My throat goes dry and my face goes pale. I knew the girl picked would be young. That _was_ the objective. But I didn't think it would be a girl I knew. I steel myself to move forward. Back straight, chin up, eyes forward. But with one look from Dad makes me pause.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note**_: Happy Holidays! Hope you enjoy this one. I couldn't wait to put it up.

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3

He shakes his head infinitesimally. My eyes widen just as the murmurs pick up among the crowd. They're not happy that a twelve-year-old was chosen. They never are. I look around to see if the cameras noticed my father or the step forward I took.

They didn't, but they're focused on the girl yelling, "Prim! Prim!" Katniss runs towards her sister. I look at Dad again as I step forward once more. He shakes his head sternly once more.

I swallow and clench my hands. I open my mouth to say that I volunteer but I hear those words uttered across the way. I jerk my head and see Katniss pushing Prim behind herself and affirming, "I volunteer as tribute!"

My eyes widen as I look back at Dad. He mouths the words _"trust me"_ and I sigh. My shoulders slump. It's hard to trust him since the whole game has changed.

I divert my eyes to Katniss. She volunteered because she loves her sister. I can't help but think she's a better person than me.

"What does it matter?" I hear my father say. I can hear the pain in his voice is real and not practiced like all his other speeches. He feels for that family as much, probably even more, as I do.

Prim keeps screaming and I see Gale rush forward and pull her away as she grips Katniss's arms. He hauls her off to the side and places her in Mrs. Everdeen's arms. They're both crying.

A Peacekeeper nudges Gale back into the eighteens as if he were going to abandon the entire square. I doubt Gale Hawthorne would do such a thing. He has to take care of three siblings along with his mother. He would never be so foolish.

Then I notice Gale, along with all of District Twelve, raise their left hand with three fingers up into the air. I would too, but as I'm the Mayor's daughter and there are cameras on me, I can't. I can't tell my best friend I'll miss her and that I love her. The hush of the crowd is audible and is broken by Haymitch getting up from his chair. He's shouting, "I like her!" He stumbles towards Katniss. "Lots of…spunk!" I see a wisp of a smile on my father's face but for a moment only. He agrees with Haymitch. Days like that a far and in between. "More than you!" Haymitch continues. He lets Katniss go and heads towards a camera as he cries again, "More than you!"

And just when I think he's over done it, Haymitch tumbles off the stage. There is laughter and gasps in the crowd. But I can't help thinking that something will happen to Haymitch before anyone knows about it. I hope he snuck some liquor into the room after I left. If he's drunk, he can't be held accountable for his words. Someone brings a stretcher around and lifts him onto it. I thought I would get to see him again. I thought wrong.

When I turn back to the front, Effie is already at the podium again calling out the boy's name. "Peeta Mellark," she says. And all I can think is either Peeta is seriously unfortunate or truly lucky today.

Effie calls for volunteers but there isn't any. Peeta has two older brothers. Michetta is too old, and unlike Katniss, Rye is not brave. This happens all the time in the outlying districts. Katniss did the radical thing by volunteering. Where in districts like One and Two it is an honor to volunteer, here it is writing your own eulogy.

Dad begins to read the Treaty of Treason-the document that states the reasons and provisions that started the Games. He's back in mayoral mode. His eye twitches and I can tell that he's anxious to get off the stage.

"Panem today. Panem tomorrow. Panem forever," my father intones. He gestures for Katniss and Peeta to shake hands as is tradition. And I can't help thinking if things were different, I would be up there shaking hands with my classmate. If another name other than Prim's was called I would. And it would look as if two siblings were up there instead of the tentativeness evoked between them.

The anthem plays as they release their embrace. And as it ends, Peacekeepers usher them both inside the Justice Building. They are to keep guard on them at all times until they enter the train station and head to the Capitol. It's supposed to be for their protection. I know better though. It's so neither _tribute_ tries to off him or herself before the proper moment. A lot can happen in an hour.

I take a deep breath as I place my curls over my left shoulder. They hide my pin perfectly. No one will suspect a thing.

I push my way through the dispersing crowd. I have to make my way inside the Justice Building before they go. I have to see Dad and Katniss, and if I have time, Peeta.

As I make my way through the doors, someone stops me.

"State your name and business," I hear.

I look up at a tall withered looking man and furrow my brow. "You know my name Clark. And why would I be here? I'm certainly not getting married!"

But Clark isn't looking at me. He looks behind me as he pushes up his glasses. And I turn and see Gale Hawthorne slightly out of breath. Gale opens his mouth to answer, but I know I must stop him.

I yank his arm into mine and say, "He's with me Clark. We're just seeing Dad."

Clark nods like this is acceptable and turns away with his clipboard in hand. I pull on Gale's arm so he'll follow me up the stairs, but he stops me on the landing.

"What was that about?"

I sigh. I'm going to have to be blunt with him I believe. "They keep records of who goes in and out of here. Who visits whom," I say. He gives me a look that says, _"So what?"_ And I roll my eyes, "Would you rather be the invisible plus one of the mayor's daughter or the Seam Brat with a loud mouth?"

His eyes harden at my whisper. But I really don't care.

"Katniss and Peeta are in rooms upstairs if you care to say good-bye to them," I say and turn around and leave him on the landing.

I make my way to my father's office. He's alone and for that I'm grateful.

"Dad-" I start, but he cuts me off.  
"You know what must be done Duchess."

I nod. I do know. I move my hair and take off the golden pin. I clutch it in my hand like a life line. I must trust in Dad, but above all, I must trust that Katniss Everdeen will be the miracle that Panem so desperately needs.

I exit his office and march my way to stand by a Peacekeeper guarding Katniss's door. I know it's hers because Delly Cartwright is next in line at Peeta's. Gale is nowhere in sight, but I assume he's talking to Katniss now.

But I'm wrong. Leaven Mellark, Peeta's father, exits the door looking depleted. He doesn't seem to notice Delly or myself.

The Peacekeeper gestures for me to go in. I take a deep breath, straighten my back, and hope against hope that Katniss won't fight with what I'm about to do.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's Note**_: Direct quotes not mine. Enjoy!

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4

Katniss looks up as I enter. The surprise is evident on her face. I walk up to her with anxiety in my bones. Please don't let her die, is all I can think.

"They let you wear one thing from your district in the arena," I tell her before I've lost my nerve. "One thing to remind you of home. Will you wear this?" I show her the mockingjay pin in my hand. It feels as if I'm holding a bomb rather than a harmless pin. _But it's_ not _harmless_, my conscience tells me.

"Your pin?" she asks me confused.

But she's wasting my time being confused. I don't need her asking why. If she mentions the bird, it'll never leave the building and neither will I.

"Here, I'll put it on your dress, all right?" But I don't give her time to answer. I fix it over her heart. "Promise you'll wear it into the arena, Katniss?" I plead. It's our only hope. I need her to do this. "Promise?"

"Yes," she says as she nods numbly.

I'm so relieved that I kiss her cheek something I'm sure startles her just as much as it does me. We're not the affectionate sort of friends. And I leave before Katniss can ask me more about what I've just sentenced her to do.

I run into the solid wall of a body as I exit the room. A pair of hands clench my shoulders to steady me. I look up to thank whomever helped me, and I discover Gale Hawthorne. The scowl on his face confirms it as he brushes past me. What did I ever do to him?

But it doesn't matter. Not now anyway.

Delly leaves Peeta's room with a tear streaked face. I give her a slight smile as I head to the door.

"There's only five minutes left Miss Undersee," I hear the Peacekeeper tell me. I nod. I only need three.

Peeta doesn't hear me enter the room until the door closes. His face is blotchy from crying and his once perfect hair looks as if he's pulled at it a thousand times.

"M-Madge?" he stammers as he pulls at his head. Ah, make that a thousand one times.

I don't give him time to speculate my presence. I rush to give him a hug. He seems surprised by it as he should be. I never hug people. Physical contact is a rarity for me except today.

I pull tighter when I think he'll let go. I lean in to whisper in his ear because what I'm about to say should never be traced back to me.

"Peeta," I start. "Tell her you love her." He tenses in my arms and almost lets go.

"Madge? What are you-"

"I've see the way you look at her," I sigh. I wish someone, anyone, would look at me that way. With such devotion and adoration that Peeta gives Katniss. "Don't be afraid to tell her Peeta. Even if she doesn't believe you, you don't want regrets."

I pull back and he lets me. I attempt to flatten his hair, but Peeta pulls away. I wish I could do more for him like give him a strategy, but I can't. If anyone is listening I'll be dead in a minute or worse. And just the thought of having my tongue ripped out and being made an Avox has me stepping backwards.

"Good luck Peeta." _I hope you survive_, I want to say. But that is wishful thinking. I need Katniss to survive not him. Even if it pains me to think about this kind, generous soul dying.

I exit the room and lean against the wall. I breathe in and out. You did it Madge. You gave Katniss the pin and you told Peeta not to have regrets. You did what you came to do. So why do I feel my heart clenching?  
I'm about to move to the stairs when I hear a commotion coming from down the hall. I turn and see the two sentry Peacekeepers yanking Gale Hawthorne from Katniss's room.

"I won't. You know I won't!" Gale yells to her. "Katniss, remember I-" And the door closes on his parting words. He brushes off the Peacekeepers and turns to face me. He hasn't schooled his features yet. And for a moment, I see him.

I pride myself on reading people. It's something I learned to do at a young age. By choice mostly. Dad didn't teach me this. He didn't have to. When he told me to be careful whom to befriend, that's when it started. I studied the merchant kids first. Most of them have no care in the world. Except for the select few like Peeta. I took an instant liking to him because he had a fondness for Katniss. He always sought her out in a crowd. She never noticed, of course.

And because Peeta liked Katniss, I took a closer look at her myself. That was easier. We spent time together because no one really wanted to get to know the mayor's daughter. And, I eventually learned, that Katniss has trouble liking people in general.

One of the few exceptions is Gale. They make each other come alive. Granted, it's muted whenever I see them but it's there nonetheless. Which is why it troubles me that I never noticed that Gale Hawthorne is in love with my best friend.

I frown because it took me this long to come to that conclusion. I see it on his face now. He loves her more than a friend.

He stands rooted to the spot as I turn away and hurry down the stairs. But I hear him behind me. Gale doesn't stop me. No, he follows me all the way out of the Justice Building where everyone has gone back to business as usual except for the bakery. I can tell that the lights aren't on even from here.

I turn slightly to him as I walk down the steps. "She knows," I say. "Take care Hawthorne." And I turn away walking towards my house.

The lights are bright in the house, and I know something is up. I rush inside letting the door slam shut. Why are the lights on? We never have this many on.

I hear the floor creak, and I look towards the stairs. What I see surprises me. For the first time in five years, I see my mother outside of her bedroom.

Her smile is bright as she says, "Duchess." But I can't help thinking that she's only awake because another girl has gone in my place. Not because she's actually better but because she gets to keep me a while longer.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note**_: Enjoy! Please review, thanks.

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5

It is a rule in Panem that you go to school until your eighteenth birthday. It is also a rule that you must go even during the Hunger Games. And if something important comes up, Panem National will view it to us from our classrooms.

But today, we won't have need for that. The opening ceremony isn't until tonight. And right now, I'm eating alone. I never noticed the quiet until now. Without Katniss here to say even just five meager words to me is awful. I don't know how I'll stand it for another week and a half.

A week and a half.

A week and a half until I'll be at home.

A week and a half until I'll be at home with Mom. I don't know how I'll _stand_ that. I love her, I do. But I can't help thinking that her smile dims when I'm not looking and her fingers trembled while brushing my hair this morning. She insisted. And I let her. I shouldn't have because I have this feeling that she's going to regress and it'll hurt a lot worse getting use to Mom as _mom_ then as she was before.

The bell rings informing the older students that lunch is over. I look down and see I've only eaten my sandwich. All the strawberries are still in the oil cloth I wrapped them in earlier this morning. I fold it back up and am about to place them in my tin when I think better of it.

I wait outside the cafeteria for the younger students to start coming in. I should have five minutes otherwise I'll be in trouble. I _don't_ want that.

I'm anxious. I start tapping my foot. And just when I'm about to leave, I see her two blonde braids. I smile. Primrose Everdeen is a beautiful girl.

"Hello Primrose," I say stopping her in her tracks.

She smiles at me. "Hi Madge." I'm surprised she knows my name. But I confess, I believe she's an intuitive person. One of Gale's brothers stands next to her tugging on her sleeve. Probably hoping to move her along faster.

"Would you mind sharing this with your friends?" I ask thrusting the oil cloth into her hands. "I didn't have much of an appetite and I don't want them to spoil." Prim makes a little gasp as she reveals the berries. She tries to give it back but I don't let her. I can't. I don't even give her time to thank me. I walk down the hall knowing the bell is going to ring soon.

On my way to History, I pass Thom, Bristel, and Gale. I'm surprised they're even here. There may be only a week and a half left until we're released for summer, but the three of them are already eighteen. Their mothers must be making them come here. To finish school before they'll go work in the mines.

Gale's back is to me. And I almost think I'm lucky, but I'm not. His words have me pause.

"What'd you give Prim?" he accuses.

I slowly turn towards them. While Thom and Bristel are relaxed against the lockers, Gale's arms are crossed and you can see the tension in his shoulders.

I lick my lips. "It doesn't concern you Hawthorne," I say. And I turn away before he can reply.

History is boring. I mean, I know history. The _real_ history not this made up crap. I want to ask about the history before Panem, but I know what the answer will be: _"It's not important."_ Of course it isn't. There's only one such book like that at my house. It mentions kings and queens in Europe. Nothing to do with the North America that Panem was formed from.

Does anyone else thirst for that? I sigh. It's probably just me. And my conscience is right, it's not really important. None of that could possibly tell us how to usurp the Hunger Games and the Capitol. We don't need books for that.

By the time school lets out, I'm exhausted. Pretending to be the model student and perfect Mayor's daughter will do that. I almost trip over my feet halfway to my house. I discover that my laces are undone so I kneel and tie them back. As I'm picking up my books, I find a set of boy's feet in front of me blocking my way.

Somehow, I'm not shocked by whom I see when I look up. Does Gale Hawthorne do anything other than glare at me? I don't think he has the capacity for another look.

"What was wrong with them?" he says gruffly.

"What's wrong with what?"

"The strawberries," Gale clarifies.

"Nothing," I say as I try to move around him, but he grabs my arm stopping me in my place.

"Then why give them to Prim?"

"Why not?" And when my answer doesn't seem sufficient enough for him I continue, "Prim's a sweet girl. She deserves sweet things." _And I was full_, I think.

I pull my arm away from him and am about to walk away when I say, "I know you don't like me Hawthorne. Whatever reason you've come up with is probably more than accurate. But, I would never be malicious or deceitful to Prim." I sigh and let my shoulders relax. Gale studies me without a word. But it doesn't matter. Yet, it does. I shouldn't say any of this to him, but I am.

"Or to any of your family," I add. And I turn away from him to walk towards town. Gale won't follow. The Seam is the other way.

But I'm wrong. I'm hardly ever wrong.

He pulls me into the alley between the children's home and what use to be a distillery even before my parents were born.

"What the hell!" I say. My eyes clash with his as I stumble against a wall. "That was uncalled for Hawthorne. You like pushing people? I'll show-"

But he's stronger than me. And even though I could move him, I won't. I can't.

"We're not taking handouts," he spits at me.

"It's not a damn handout," I retort. "Hasn't anyone ever been nice to you?" I try to push him, but his grip is firm on my shoulders. His gray eyes are a molten silver and his jaw is set. Any passerby would believe we wanted a tryst. But the tension between us isn't lust.

"You can't take care of them on your own," I say on a sigh. "It's risky for you now that the fence could be on." The last I say in a whisper.

"I don't need your help," Gale grits out.

I roll my eyes. "I may not seem it to you," I tell him. "But, I'm not an idiot. You're probably doing your share of the work as we speak."

His eyes widen and his hands loosen but don't let go.

"You may not like me Gale Hawthorne, but you're not the only one that cares about Katniss."

"You're hardly her friend," he says still glaring at me.

I know that. But, I am trying to protect her and her family. However, I don't say any of that. Instead, I pick up my books and dust them off. Gale still corners me in the alley but he's let go of my arms. I'll likely bruise with the force that he held me still.

"That might be true," I say. He moves aside so I can walk past him. But there's one more thing I need to tell him. I can't risk becoming his friend. Not now anyway. So I have to make him hate me.

I look over my shoulder and add, "But you being her best friend you should've told her you loved her." His hands clench and he scowls at me once more. "That you're _in_ love with her."

He doesn't follow me this time.


End file.
